Archive for March, 2004

Tupac Shakur releases 32nd posthumous album

Monday, March 29th, 2004

For the 32nd time since his untimely death at the age of 25 in September 1996, Tupac Shakur has released a new album. The new double-CD Ova My Dead Body is the first since last month’s simultaneous releases of Str8 Out Tha Crypt and Rememba Me? I’m Dead. Several other deceased rappers make featured appearances on Tupac’s new album including Eazy-E (1963-1995), Notorious B.I.G. (1972-1997), Big Punisher (1971-2000), and Vanilla Ice (1968-1994). Tupac is also slated to appear in the upcoming John Singleton movie Luke Cage and will have a recurring role on next season’s UPN hit sitcom All of Us.

Smith considers becoming reclusive author

Wednesday, March 24th, 2004

With the success of his first Brick Testament book, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is considering becoming a reclusive author. “It’s not that my fame has become a burden to me just yet,” explained Smith in a telephone interview. “It’s just that there aren’t a lot of other career paths where you even get the option of becoming reclusive. So it seems that I should at least give some consideration to moving into a rural country home in some unnamed state, declining all interviews, and only contacting the outside world through my literary agent.” Smith says his mind is far from made up, and that he is still also considering the option of becoming a media whore.

New study on dangers of reality TV

Friday, March 19th, 2004

Every time you sit in front of the TV and watch a so-called “reality TV” show, you lose about 60 minutes from your life. Such is the startling findings of a new study in this month’s New England Journal of Medicine. “While an hour here or there might not seem like much,” said Dr. Stanislaw Eckert, “they quickly add up. Even a casual viewer of shows like Adultery Island or Celebrity Pet Mortuary can be losing precious weeks — even months off their lives that could have been spent watching other highly engrossing TV shows, such as televised sports or 1980s sitcom reruns.”

Gibson’s movie receives high praise

Tuesday, March 9th, 2004

Church groups across the United States and abroad are turning out in droves to support the controversial Mel Gibson movie that some have described as being misguided and “too violent”. “Yes, there is a great amount of suffering depicted in this movie,” said Rev. Amos Henry of Blackburn, SC, “but it is all integral to the story. Gibson is to be commended.” Critics of the movie have expressed particular outrage at the scene in which Gibson’s character shoots a man in the foot and shoulder before placing a pillow over his face and shooting him in the head. Payback, released in 1999, is the tale of a low-life criminal who goes on a murderous rampage seeking vengeance and $70,000 in cash.

Bush revokes right of women to vote

Friday, March 5th, 2004

President Bush today signed the Defense of Democracy Act which officially defines voting rights as belonging only to males. “The treatment of women as second-class citizens,” said Bush, “is one of the most enduring human institutions, practiced over the millennia of human experience, in all cultures and by every religious faith.” Bush went on to declare that “ages of experience have taught humanity that the restricting the vote to males promotes the general welfare and the stability of society”. By signing the act, Bush seeks to “return America to the sort of place our forefathers envisioned when they ratified our constitution.” Over the upcoming weeks, Bush is expected to sign an bill that would further restrict the vote to land-owning males and another act that would re-legalize the institution of slavery.