Wake of 9/11 hits Smith

Tuesday, September 30th, 2003 - 11:50 am PDT

Though the shocking terrorist attacks of 9/11 happened just over two years ago, the wake of the attack did not hit Smith until early this morning. “Rev. Smith was at the breakfast table eating his cream of wheat when suddenly he got knocked right out of his chair,” said one onlooker. “He stayed on the ground for several minutes, and when he struggled to his feet, he suddenly looked extremely paranoid.” Smith spent the rest of the day stripping away his own personal freedoms, being wary of all foreign nationals, and bombing third-world counties.