France surrenders

Monday, September 22nd, 2003 - 4:43 pm PDT

President Jacques Chirac surprised allies this morning with the announcement of the unconditional surrender of France. “I didn’t even know anyone was attacking them,” said a bewildered US Secretary of State Colin Powell, “was it us?” By midday no foreign power had claimed responsibility for the alleged attack on France. By 3pm GMT, government spokesperson Jean-François Copé admitted that France’s surrender had been a “knee-jerk” reaction to rumors of a military build-up in neighboring Luxembourg, and by 5pm, an emergency meeting of the French parliament narrowly approved a retraction of the surrender.