Smith makes himself scarce

Monday, August 4th, 2003 - 5:09 pm PDT

In a desperate attempt to increase his personal net worth, Rev. Smith is applying the law of supply-and-demand to his own benefit by cutting short the supply of himself to the world. “The latest reports indicate that demand for The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is at an all-time low,” said Smith’s financial advisor H. Larry Whittaker, “but by making the supply of himself dwindle in proportion to that demand, Smith’s value can be maintained and could actually increase.” Financial experts have expressed their doubts that Smith’s desperate ploy will succeed. “Tony Danza attempted this same move in the wake of The Tony Danza show,” noted analyst Martin Vaughn. “and now America has forever lost one of its great comic voices.”