Cure worse than the disease

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003 - 11:09 am PDT

At a somber press conference today, top US scientists announced that a cure for the deadly SARS virus has been found, but also that the cure is far, far worse than the disease. Spokesperson and former US Surgeon General C. Everett Koop explained: “Without our treatment, there is a decent chance that a young and otherwise healthy SARS victim will recover. But after ingesting this newly developed serum, the patient, though fully and immediately cured of SARS, will quickly devolve into a mutant zombie killing-machine that can respawn asexually.”