Pope declares childbirth immoral

Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 - 3:22 pm PDT

Reversing the Vatican’s long-held stance against all artificial forms of birth-control, Pope John Paul II today publicly denounced the practice of human reproduction. “To bring a new child into this morally-deprived world is in itself a morally-drepived act,” said the aging pontiff. “If we all stop having children starting today, we can bring about the end of this sinful race within one hundred and twenty years.” The pope went on to explain that the church’s former pro-procreation stance had been based on a misinterpretation of scripture. “The ‘go forth and multiply’ command was given to Noah and his three sons — not to everybody. Sorry for the confusion.”