Smith purchases death bed

Saturday, April 5th, 2003 - 9:49 pm PST

While furniture shopping for his new home today, Rev. Smith made what may well be one of the most significant furniture-related purchases of his life: his death bed. “As soon as I saw it,” said a still-excited Smith, “I knew this would be the bed I would die in.” Smith went on to show off the many finer points of the bed. “It’s a Cal-King, which means they’ll be plenty of room for people to sit at my bedside and mourn,” said Smith. “Plus it’s longer than a traditional king-size, so I can really stretch out.” Though Smith does not foresee his own death anytime in the near future, he takes great comfort by the fact that when it comes, he “will be enjoying the unparalleled luxury of the CloudNine® patented Sleep System DeluxeT.”