Jesus gives final approval, war begins

Wednesday, March 19th, 2003 - 11:45 pm PST

After nearly two thousand years of espousing a strict policy of neighborly love and nonviolence, going so far as to recommend we “turn the other cheek” when struck by an enemy, our lord and savior Jesus Christ this evening revealed that he is in full support of the United States in making a massive preemptive attack on Iraq. In a cabinet meeting tonight, Jesus himself delivered the go-ahead for war directly to US president and born-again Christian George W. Bush with two words: “let’s go.”