The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith reported today that he is seriously considering getting laser eye surgery. “I read this pamphlet about it at the mall, and it seems pretty cool,” said Smith. “I’ve always wanted to have a laser eye.” Smith went on to describe the new things this surgery would allow him to do. “I could shine it on the movie screen when I’m at the theater. OK, that’s pretty lame,” said Smith, “but I bet it could also work as a can opener if I shoot the laser around the edge of the can.” Smith later added that he would try to use his new powers “only for good”.