Man claims lives of 6.3 billion

Monday, February 10th, 2003 - 7:56 pm PST

An Oregon man today claimed the lives of 6.3 billion in a chilling speech that has taken the world by total surprise. “Today I claim the lives of 6.3 billion,” said the man — whose name has not yet been released — in a televised speech that was short and to the point. Expert news analysts, noting that the population of the entire Earth is 6.3 billion, are casting serious doubt on the man’s claim. “Then again,” noted one analyst, “maybe he wasn’t talking about human beings at all.”