Greased up and ready

Sunday, April 21st, 2002 - 10:12 am PDT

Word came today that Rev. Smith is fully greased up and “ready for anything”. The news evoked audible sighs of relief from frustrated fans from across the county who have been waiting many long weeks in anticipation. Experts say that Smith’s viscosity is now at an all-time high, and marvel that Smith has been able to garner enough friction to hold still at all. Even the slightest bit of momentum, they warned, could keep Smith in motion for days.