Seeing it as perhaps his best chance at getting any of his demands met, Rev. Smith today agreed to talk with police negotiators. The move comes 17 hours into a tense standoff that has had the world glued to its television sets for the latest updates. The ordeal began Monday morning when a casually dressed Smith walked into a local Wienerschnitzel and threatened to remove his pants unless he and his cronies eat for free.
Archive for February, 2002
For just under $75, Rev. Smith bought himself a little bit of happiness last night. The euphoric feelings lasted him well on into the wee hours of the night, and Smith awoke this morning with a smile on his face. “Happiness is the most wonderful thing in life,” pontificated Smith, “and when it comes at a price like that, well, who am I to say no?” After a few more moments reflecting on his experience, Smith resumed the mindless drudgery which is his everyday life.
Plans for The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith to guest star on multiple episodes of FOX TV’s undeclared are in jeopardy now that FOX seems poised to cancel the acclaimed show. Smith, who was to be introduced early in season two as a “love interest” for one of the main characters, received the news this afternoon and expressed his dismay. “This sucks,” he said, “and I hear they’re canceling Futurama, too. Fucking morons.”
An analysis of Rev. Smith’s phone bill for the month of January 2002 reveals that booty calls account for a whopping 70% of the total cost. “I’ve got to do something about this,” announced an outraged Smith as he plopped himself down on his easy-chair. “Maybe I should send out those booty calls by email,” he thought to himself aloud, “Then again, I hear Sprint has some sort of deal on booty calls if you switch to their plan.” The matter is as yet unresolved.
After months of tossing out countless flimsy excuses and unlikely stories, Rev. Smith announced today that he has finally arrived at the perfect alibi. Guaranteed to avert all blame and a surefire bet to avoid any possibility of punishment, Smith told reporters that he is saving the alibi “for a very special occasion”. In a seemingly unrelated story, Smith announced today that he has begun work on devising the perfect crime.
As it approaches half a million hits since its October launch, The Brick Testament is pleased to announce the addition of 9 new illustrated stories from the New Testament. Other recent additions to the site include a Press page where the articles from SPIN magazine and The Independent have been scanned, and an FAQ.
Everywhere he has turned over the past week, The Rev, Brendan Powell Smith has faced heavy criticism. First his girlfriend heavily criticized the outfit Smith was wearing. Then his friends laid down some heavy criticism of his basketball skills. Most recently, his own parents were heavily critical of Smith’s recent stint of unemployment. When Smith insisted they refer to it as his “early retirement”, his father pointed out that “retired people aren’t flat broke.”
Rev. Smith learned for the first time today that he was adopted at birth by a couple who was not his true biological parents. For years he had wondered how an albino black son could have come from white parents, and his suspicions about this issue lead to him to query his parents on the matter directly just this afternoon. “Yep,” his parents informed him, “you were adopted.”