The sky is falling

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002 - 3:32 pm PST

Scientists are reporting today strong evidence to support the age-old theory that the sky is indeed falling. “After eons of remaining stationary, the sky has been moving steadily lower, and is now at an alarmingly low altitude above earth,” explained Professor Melvin Shanks of Cornell. A rival theory published in the Canadian Journal of Science posits that the sky continues to remain stationary while the earth has recently been expanding outward. What both theories agree upon, however, is that humans are positively to blame for this.