The US government today issued a warning about the possibility of major power outages, natural disasters, and other calamities which may result from what is being called the Y2K2 bug. Those same computer programmers who saved us from the Y2K bug just two years ago were not forward-thinking enough to program computers to recognize any year past 2001. Come Tuesday morning, your computer may erroneously believe that it is January 1, 1982. The government strongly recommends you unplug any electrical devices for at least a week, lest they turn on you, become sentient, and plot to destroy the human race.
Archive for December, 2001
The crushing force of thousands of geeks reading slashdot.org and then stampeding over to watch part two of Rev. Smith in Vendetta: A Christmas Story brought down its host server for several hours on Christmas day. Some may recall this same thing happened with part one. By nightfall there came offers to mirror the movie files, the site came back online, and everything was right with the world once again.
The color insert section of today’s edition of the Independent on Sunday will be features a piece on Rev. Smith’s LEGO Bible creation The Brick Testament. A special version of the nativity scene from the Jesus Is Born story was created and photographed for the piece, and it is expected to be accompanied by a short interview. Look for it today on newsstands across the UK.
Rev. Smith, who recently revealed that he suffers from the common cold, has shown extreme bravery since being diagnosed, becoming an overnight celebrity spokesperson for the fight to cure the common cold. A telethon he hosted on Sunday raised over $18 million, and although doctors cautioned him against it, Smith took part in a 10 mile walk to raise money and awareness about the illness which temporarily partially impairs millions of Americans each year, and costs its victims hundreds of thousands of dollars in money for cough drops and tissue paper.
In an event scientists, philosophers, religious believers, and the police are still struggling to understand, two children were killed and nine others injured when a snowman they had built unexpectedly came to life and immediately went on rampage. Bodies of the victims lay strewn across a nearby snowy field as police and swat teams surrounded the building where the living snowman had holed up with hostages. When negotiations broke down, police stormed the greenhouse only to find six frightened children, a small cache of weapons, and large puddle of water.
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith’s call for a worldwide moment of silence today was largely ignored by the masses. People in large part went on with their usual business of creating a general racket despite Smith’s request for ten minutes of peace in remembrance of all things that have ever come to pass. Not only was the moment of silence continually disrupted by talking, loud music, and noisy machinery, but nature itself refused to comply, the wind rustling leaves and creating a nuisance. By 5pm Smith gave up, sighed, and went on with life.
Just in time for the holidays, Rev. Smith’s The Brick Testament updates with a brand new story: Jesus is Born. See all your favorite nativity characters richly brought to life as never before in cold, hard, lifeless LEGO brand building blocks. Then, why not go watch Vendetta: A Christmas Story? Go. Do it now.
Defying the long-held belief that no two snowflakes are ever exactly alike, Rev. Smith yesterday found two snowflakes that were exactly alike. “Two snowflakes fell from the sky right onto my gloved hand,” stated Smith, “and I examined them: they were both exactly alike.” Smith was preparing to bring the snowflakes to a lab to verify his finding when both snowflakes unexpectedly melted. Scientists believe that the identical snowflakes may be the result of low-level radiation in Smith’s hometown, or that he may be lying.
It’s December 1st, and though some of us eagerly broke out the holiday decorations as early as the day after Halloween, even the most conservative among us will now tell you that the Christmas season has officially begun. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith kicked things off at the stroke of midnight with his traditional chugging of a gallon of store-bought eggnog. Then he vomited. A lot.