Sunday, August 5th, 2001 - 5:58 pm PDT

Rev. Smith visited his doctor today for a routine brain washing. “I’m a pretty clean guy,” said Smith, “but there are always those hard-to-reach places which are best left to the experts.” The four hour procedure involved delicately removing the top of Smith’s skull, then using a powerful hose to wash away months of gummy dirt and buildup.”I feel 100% better,” noted Smith shortly afterward, “my head feels really clear now.” After doctors removed Smith’s brain and hand-scrubbed it, it was replaced and dried with high-powered air jets. His next appointment is scheduled for October.