One hand larger than the other

Sunday, June 3rd, 2001 - 3:46 pm PDT

Rev. Smith realized today that one of his hands is larger than the other one. Seventy-eight times larger. “I am unsure as to how I’ve been able to overlook this startling incongruity for so many years,” said a slightly confused Smith this morning. He then went out in search of a store selling oversized gloves so he can keep his freakish physical anomaly from the public’s eye. He also announced plans to use his giant hand to pummel the crap out of a certain bully who beat him up in grade school.