Archive for June, 2001

Balls in your mouth

Thursday, June 28th, 2001

Pleased to discover the taste sensation he’d discovered in China now available in his own hometown, Rev. Smith stopped by a local café today and ordered a pearl milk tea. A combination of hot black tea and sweetened condensed milk, it is often served with lots of soft and gummy black tapioca balls, or “pearls”, which are sucked up with the tea through an extra-wide straw. “Yummy,” stated Smith.

Monday, June 25th, 2001

An exhibition of Rev. Smith’s LEGO creations from the past year is now available online at Included here are such works as his famous 8 foot 6 inch LEGO Tower, and the recently completed LEGO Colosseum. The site is in no way sponsored, authorized, or endorsed by The LEGO Group®, which wholly condemns Rev. Smith™ and any use by him of their product.

Kitchen accident

Friday, June 22nd, 2001

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith suffered a mishap while making breakfast this morning when he accidentally got his head stuck in a Belgian waffle maker. It is unclear at this time exactly how this happened. Discovered hours later by a neighbor who had heard loud yelping noises, local police and firefighters were quickly called to the scene, but were unsure how to proceed. “It might be best to just leave it on at this point,” mused one. “We could try using the jaws of life,” offered another, “but it sure wouldn’t be pretty.”

Jam for Peace 2

Saturday, June 16th, 2001

The Human Heads did their part today in a second attempt to bring about world peace through an open-mic style musical get-together staged in the heart of San Francisco. Playing to a capacity crowd, the group played a rousing five song set during which they debuted a brand new song and unleashed a cover of the song “Pressure” that would have had Billy Joel rolling in his grave. Presuming he was dead, that is.

Smith appraised

Monday, June 11th, 2001

A professional appraiser stopped by to inspect Rev. Smith today. “The whole process only took about 15 minutes,” explained Smith shortly afterward. “I’m not really sure what he was looking for, but it’s hard to believe he could accurately asses my entire worth as a human being in so short a time.” He then added, “but I guess he’s a professional and stuff.” Asked what the results of the appraisal were, Smith only revealed, “a hell of a lot less than I would have imagined.”

Rod Stewart: not impressed

Thursday, June 7th, 2001

After getting his hands on an early-release copy of here come the heads and giving it a good listen, veteran rocker Rod Stewart was reportedly “not impressed”. Admitting he was a big fan Smith’s work with late 80s pop powerhouse GOF UGNÜT, but only lukewarm toward Smith’s solo work, Stewart said he held out hope upon learning that Smith had a new band. Said Stewart, “I don’t think this Human Heads group is going anywhere too soon.”

One hand larger than the other

Sunday, June 3rd, 2001

Rev. Smith realized today that one of his hands is larger than the other one. Seventy-eight times larger. “I am unsure as to how I’ve been able to overlook this startling incongruity for so many years,” said a slightly confused Smith this morning. He then went out in search of a store selling oversized gloves so he can keep his freakish physical anomaly from the public’s eye. He also announced plans to use his giant hand to pummel the crap out of a certain bully who beat him up in grade school.