Archive for December, 2000

White House tour

Friday, December 29th, 2000

Smith was treated this evening to a candlelight tour of the White House where he received a hero’s welcome from longtime friend and associate Chelsea Clinton. “I was so, so worried about you!” exclaimed the usually stolid Clinton, throwing her arms around him. “This is a big, nice house,” said Smith, commenting on his surroundings. Despite three weeks stranded in space, Smith appears in good health. “I sure hope not all his muscles are atrophied,” winked Clinton.

Smith splashes down

Wednesday, December 27th, 2000

NASA experts this morning guided Rev. Smith on a perilous journey back to the Earth after 21 days stranded in space. Detaching himself from the International Space Station, Smith desperately flung himself toward home, allowing gravity to pull him down. It was only by wrapping himself in over 200 layers of bubble wrap that he narrowly avoided being burnt up in the atmosphere. After a grueling 4 hour “free fall”, Smith opened his makeshift paper mache parachute, eventually landing safely in the reflecting pool of the National Mall in Washington, DC, just moments ago.

Christmas in space

Monday, December 25th, 2000

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is spending this Christmas out in space, orbiting the Earth at a speed of 17, 500 mph. At this speed, like Santa Claus, he is able to travel around the world several times in just one night. Smith will celebrate today by consuming two packets of freeze-dried goose-substitute, and drinking eggnog through a tube. “I think I’d like to come down now,” said Smith cheerily. “Please?”

Controversial album artwork

Thursday, December 21st, 2000

The official release of The Human Heads debut album here come the heads has been hamstrung by the legal department of who are refusing to approve the album’s cover art, raising doubts over the legality of using the photo taken by Rev. Smith. Five songs from the album can currently be heard on the band’s website.

World’s tallest snowman

Monday, December 18th, 2000

A group of professors and undergraduates at Stockholm University have successfully erected the world’s tallest snowman. The enormous snow structure is so large that Rev. Smith reported he could see it from space with his naked eye. The bottom sphere of the snowman is 7,000 times larger than the Earth itself, and the top of the snowman is only a few scant inches from the sun’s surface.

Visit from the 3 Wise Men

Friday, December 15th, 2000

Rev. Smith was paid an unexpected visit today by the 3 Wise Men, Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthasar, who are best known for their yuletide visit to see the newborn Christ child. Smith reported that their meeting was brief but very pleasant, with the Wise Men offering their characteristic gifts of gold, and frankincense, and myrrh. “I was nearly out of frankincense,” admitted Smith, “so this visit comes at just the right time.”

Cat / dog violence continues

Tuesday, December 12th, 2000

Clashes between dogs and cats continued yesterday leaving one dead and dozens injured, heightening tensions, and raising fears of an all-out war. The new violence comes on the heels of Rev. Smith’s attempt to negotiate a peace settlement between the leaders of the two factions, Spot and Mr. Floofy. Anti-peace dogs, responding angrily to Smith’s efforts, called for a “Day of Loud Barking”.

VENDETTA is back!

Saturday, December 9th, 2000

After a phenomenal debut on the web last Christmas season, one the web’s most popular films ever, Vendetta: A Christmas Story is back again for the holidays. Written by and starring none other than our own Rev. Brendan Powell Smith, Vendetta is an instant holiday classic to share with the entire family. View it today!

Smith deployed onto space station

Wednesday, December 6th, 2000

In what NASA officials are calling an “unfortunate mix-up”, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was deployed this morning onto the International Space Station. “We were supposed to be deploying a solar wing,” said astronaut Joe Tanner, “but with those big-ass space suits on, it gets kind of hard to see what exactly you’re deploying.” Smith is expected to be stranded in orbit until the next scheduled space shuttle mission in January.