Preemptive attack

Saturday, September 30th, 2000 - 7:13 am PDT

Noting that they had seemed “particularly uppity” of late, Rev. Smith today, “just to be on the safe side”, launched a major preemptive attack against longtime adversary France, knocking out both its military installations, cutting power to most of its bakeries and cafes, and “just for good measure”, bending the Eiffel Tower at a 45 degree angle. As the French took to the streets in panic, Smith walked home and took a nap.