Archive for September, 2000

Preemptive attack

Saturday, September 30th, 2000

Noting that they had seemed “particularly uppity” of late, Rev. Smith today, “just to be on the safe side”, launched a major preemptive attack against longtime adversary France, knocking out both its military installations, cutting power to most of its bakeries and cafes, and “just for good measure”, bending the Eiffel Tower at a 45 degree angle. As the French took to the streets in panic, Smith walked home and took a nap.

Smith acquires

Tuesday, September 26th, 2000

After an ugly three 3-year court battle with The Vatican - which at one point devolved into fisticuffs - The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith has finally acquired the international rights to which launches today. Although the church originally requested he pay a “donation” of some $500,000 for the domain address, in the end, a special UN subcommittee ruled that Smith be handed over the domain name and be compensated $10.17 in legal fees.

BRAD: the game - temporarily down

Sunday, September 17th, 2000

The server which has long hosted BRAD: the game has been shut down unexpectedly. B:tG will consequently be out of service for about a week while a new server prepares itself for that monster of bandwidth text-based adventure game. Keep checking back at it’s usual address,, and it should be up soon. The Reverend apologized for the inconvenience.

Don’t laugh

Sunday, September 10th, 2000

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before, but first you have to promise me that you won’t laugh at me when I tell you, OK?  Seriously, this is really important to me, and if I told you and you laughed, it would really hurt my feelings a lot, so just be totally and completely serious for a minute, and I’ll tell you, alright?  …Alright?  OK, here goes… you ready?  …Stop giggling!  C’mon, I haven’t even told you yet!  Oh, just never mind.

9,862 days of Brendan

Thursday, September 7th, 2000

Today the world celebrates 9,862 days of The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith. Planned festivities include a fireworks display in New Delhi, India, an arial show in Banff, Canada, a minstral performance in Panama City, and “5 for $5″ sale at all Arby’s locations in the continental U.S. The previously mentioned “Hands Across the Sahara” event has been cancelled on account of high temperatures.

Rev. Smith called “A human topiary”

Sunday, September 3rd, 2000

In a move that has baffled many and delighted others, leading French Canadian pundit Jaques Levesque today referred to The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith as “a human topiary”. Although the remark was quickly dismissed by many newspaper columnists as “wholly uncalled for”, other pundits were quick jump to Levesque’s defense. “Everyone needs a good trimming now and then, eh?” noted a fellow pundit who wished to remain unnamed.

Brendan rates 482nd

Friday, September 1st, 2000

A recent government study has concluded that ‘Brendan’ is the 482nd most common first name for males in the United States. First names that are more common than Brendan include: Moses, Cornelius, Delbert, Orville, Rufus, Woodrow, Rodolfo, Horace, Hubert, Otis, Alejandro, Wade, Wallace, Merle, Elmer, Reginald, Roman, and Guy.